Start of high school arc
When I graduated from elementary, my lolo was acting up
again. He wanted me to challenge Butuan city. I was still just a kid then. I was blinded by allowances and the glamor of
city living. I enrolled in the biggest
high school in Butuan city. 40sections
in first year alone, including night school.
I was in the crack section. At least
50% of my classmates were valedictorians from their respective towns and
barrios. It was fun at first but after
going through recommended readings about family and friends, I started missing
my mom and dad and my siblings. I was
crying almost every night. I was so
homesick. My aunt decided that I should
go back to polomolok after the first year of high school ends.
A lot of things happened tong nag-skwela ko sa central. I met a girl. Hahaha. Si Neneng (Minerva). Daghan man to exchange activities sa public
schools including competitions math, science, etc.. Neneng stood out kay grabe niya kaputi, murag
kalag. 😊 She
was also Polo Elem School’s rep for their art competitions. Corry and I were mainstays in math and
science competitions and we were always looking forward ug naay interschool
quizzes kay apil man usually ana ang poster making and Neneng will be
there. One time, we were in Kiamba I
think for the provincial science quiz man yata to, and Neneng, of course was
there. Nakita namo siya naligo sa common
gripo which was outside. I’m not sure ngano ni-stick gyud na sa akong
hunahuna, or maybe because puti kaayo siya ug legs. Hahaha.
Anyway, to be honest, I was really looking forward to starting
school in San Lorenzo after finishing first year in Butuan. And the main reason for my excitement was I
might get to see Neneng sa school since 1 year below ra man to siya sa ako. Hahaha.
Yep I was getting interested in girls na. A far cry from grade 2. 😊 To my delight, Neneng was actually enrolled
in San Lorenzo! Woohoo, I was actually
quite happy then. For somebody who was
thirsting for the moon and seeing that same moon up close, what could be more exciting
di ba.
Unfortunately, the
moon somehow lost its luster when I entered the second year classroom for the
first time. I was shocked when I saw
that pale, big haired girl all grown up!
I literally felt my knees go weak when I saw that girl. 😊 Somehow all the years of not seeing her, all
the forgotten emotions came rushing back like one big wave. Fate, destiny, tadhana. Mao ra gyud na ako nahunahuna. Ug nag-exist na siguro ang Up Dharma Down
that time, I would have argued nga ang ilang kanta nga Tadhana was written just
for me. Hahaha. I knew right then and
there that all other girls were destined to play second fiddle in my heart. I was hopelessly and utterly in love. There I said it.
However, after days, weeks, months passed, it became apparent
nga dili lang ako ang naay feelings for that big haired girl. Even my friends were so into her. My
inferiority complex kicked into high gear.
My inherent lack of self-confidence was magnified even more. Tragically, I believed that there’s no way in
hell that she’ll pick me given the parade of suitors she has. I was just a dark, skinny kid with a little
something between my ears. Bisag ako, I wouldn’t
pick me.
But feelings, especially the kind that’s pure and nurtured,
they just wont go away. I was sick to my
stomach most of the time, thinking that it can and will never be. There was even a time during high school when
I would be so excited to go home and sleep because you know, everything is
possible in your dreams. Sobrang pathetic.
Anyway I just kept watching as these boys flock around her
and I can only sigh and sigh. My first
love, and it’s a one way street. Ain’t love grand? 😊
I remember when we had our JS Prom in third year, somehow the
girlie and I ended up dancing. A slow
dance nevertheless! I couldn’t last 5
minutes though. I couldn’t breath. She was wearing Petit cologne or
perfume. I felt like I was engulfed in
flames. I wasn’t aroused ha. Hahaha.
I just had to get out of there. It
was impossible to be too close to the sun and not get burned.
I think it was in our 4th year when I used a
lifetime’s worth of courage and decided to confess. With all the awkwardness I could muster, I managed to somehow convey how I felt (I think)
and asked her to be my gf. For the life
of me I cannot remember how I did it or how it actually happened. All I know was that she shook her head and that was that.
For all my adolescent romanticism, I really believed that
when two people are destined, the universe will move heaven and earth just so
they can be together. With a mere shake of
her head, she unknowingly shattered my poor, immature, insecure heart. Kanta pa sa Salbakuta, wasak na wasak ang
puso ni Nasty Mac.
For the sake of self preservation, I buried that memory so
deep in my psyche that I sometimes wonder kung nahitabo ba gyud siya. I did not harbor any enmity or ill feelings
towards the girlie though. Love is not
something that will happen just because you want it to happen. The heart wants what it wants. Unfortunately, although the girly is capable
of loving, she did harbor such feelings towards me. And I can respect that.
The funny thing was, back then I somehow swore to myself,
that if I can’t have her, I might as well not get married at all. Looking back now, I feel like it’s a self-fulfilling
prophecy. You see, she’s happily married
now and I’m very happy for her. As for
me, it seems like the universe is moving heaven and earth to ensure that I stay
true to my word that since I didn’t get the girl, I shouldn’t get married at
all.
#endofsharing
