October 2016 Criminologist Board Exams Results

Monday, April 16, 2018

Sharing is Caring


Start of high school arc

When I graduated from elementary, my lolo was acting up again.  He wanted me to challenge Butuan city.  I was still just a kid then.  I was blinded by allowances and the glamor of city living.  I enrolled in the biggest high school in Butuan city.  40sections in first year alone, including night school.  I was in the crack section.  At least 50% of my classmates were valedictorians from their respective towns and barrios.  It was fun at first but after going through recommended readings about family and friends, I started missing my mom and dad and my siblings.  I was crying almost every night.  I was so homesick.  My aunt decided that I should go back to polomolok after the first year of high school ends.

A lot of things happened tong nag-skwela ko sa central.  I met a girl. Hahaha.  Si Neneng (Minerva).  Daghan man to exchange activities sa public schools including competitions math, science, etc..  Neneng stood out kay grabe niya kaputi, murag kalag. 😊  She was also Polo Elem School’s rep for their art competitions.  Corry and I were mainstays in math and science competitions and we were always looking forward ug naay interschool quizzes kay apil man usually ana ang poster making and Neneng will be there.  One time, we were in Kiamba I think for the provincial science quiz man yata to, and Neneng, of course was there.  Nakita namo siya naligo sa common gripo which was outside.   I’m not sure ngano ni-stick gyud na sa akong hunahuna, or maybe because puti kaayo siya ug legs.  Hahaha.

Anyway, to be honest, I was really looking forward to starting school in San Lorenzo after finishing first year in Butuan.  And the main reason for my excitement was I might get to see Neneng sa school since 1 year below ra man to siya sa ako.  Hahaha.  Yep I was getting interested in girls na.  A far cry from grade 2. 😊  To my delight, Neneng was actually enrolled in San Lorenzo!  Woohoo, I was actually quite happy then.  For somebody who was thirsting for the moon and seeing that same moon up close, what could be more exciting di ba. 

Unfortunately,  the moon somehow lost its luster when I entered the second year classroom for the first time.  I was shocked when I saw that pale, big haired girl all grown up!  I literally felt my knees go weak when I saw that girl. 😊  Somehow all the years of not seeing her, all the forgotten emotions came rushing back like one big wave.  Fate, destiny, tadhana.  Mao ra gyud na ako nahunahuna.  Ug nag-exist na siguro ang Up Dharma Down that time, I would have argued nga ang ilang kanta nga Tadhana was written just for me. Hahaha.  I knew right then and there that all other girls were destined to play second fiddle in my heart.  I was hopelessly and utterly in love.  There I said it.

However, after days, weeks, months passed, it became apparent nga dili lang ako ang naay feelings for that big haired girl.  Even my friends were so into her. My inferiority complex kicked into high gear.  My inherent lack of self-confidence was magnified even more.  Tragically, I believed that there’s no way in hell that she’ll pick me given the parade of suitors she has.  I was just a dark, skinny kid with a little something between my ears.  Bisag ako, I wouldn’t pick me. 

But feelings, especially the kind that’s pure and nurtured, they just wont go away.  I was sick to my stomach most of the time, thinking that it can and will never be.  There was even a time during high school when I would be so excited to go home and sleep because you know, everything is possible in your dreams.  Sobrang pathetic.

Anyway I just kept watching as these boys flock around her and I can only sigh and sigh.  My first love, and it’s a one way street. Ain’t love grand? 😊

I remember when we had our JS Prom in third year, somehow the girlie and I ended up dancing.  A slow dance nevertheless!  I couldn’t last 5 minutes though.  I couldn’t breath.  She was wearing Petit cologne or perfume.  I felt like I was engulfed in flames.  I wasn’t aroused ha.  Hahaha.  I just had to get out of there.  It was impossible to be too close to the sun and not get burned.

I think it was in our 4th year when I used a lifetime’s worth of courage and decided to confess.  With all the awkwardness I could muster,  I managed to somehow convey how I felt (I think) and asked her to be my gf.  For the life of me I cannot remember how I did it or how it actually happened.  All I know  was that she shook her head and that was that.

For all my adolescent romanticism, I really believed that when two people are destined, the universe will move heaven and earth just so they can be together.  With a mere shake of her head, she unknowingly shattered my poor, immature, insecure heart.  Kanta pa sa Salbakuta, wasak na wasak ang puso ni Nasty Mac.

For the sake of self preservation, I buried that memory so deep in my psyche that I sometimes wonder kung nahitabo ba gyud siya.  I did not harbor any enmity or ill feelings towards the girlie though.  Love is not something that will happen just because you want it to happen.  The heart wants what it wants.  Unfortunately, although the girly is capable of loving, she did harbor such feelings towards me.  And I can respect that.

The funny thing was, back then I somehow swore to myself, that if I can’t have her, I might as well not get married at all.  Looking back now, I feel like it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You see, she’s happily married now and I’m very happy for her.  As for me, it seems like the universe is moving heaven and earth to ensure that I stay true to my word that since I didn’t get the girl, I shouldn’t get married at all.

#endofsharing